Seriously? This again?
I find pubic hairs in the weirdest places. I assume they’re mine. Jeez, I hope they’re mine…
Once I came back from a few days visiting Boyfriend – which is, naturally, an all-out sexfest – and I was sitting at my desk and I noticed a little hair stuck to my sweater. A pubic hair! I plucked it off and felt very silly and sort of embarrassed even though I was all alone (have people seen it? have they been staring at it and I didn’t know?).
Then a few minutes later…another one! It’s possible that they were transferred to the sweater in my poorly packed suitcase, but I feel like I would notice if I was shedding pubic hairs and pulling off my underwear to reveal a handful of hairs. Weird, I thought. But life goes on.
Fast forward about three months. I spilt some soup on my sweater (a different sweater, and it figures I would spill on it because what I have under it is a white shirt and a blazing red bra and that is just too much for the universe to resist) and cleaned myself up as much as I could. Then I stopped messing with it to let the spot dry and, hopefully, disappear, but when I looked back…pubic hair! I swear that wasn’t there a moment ago.
What. The. Fuck.
Am I being targeted by some kind of Pubic Hair Bandit? Is this an office prank? Early-onset pubic baldness? It’s too much. It’s just too much.
